Have you ever had the feeling of wanting to go back and be given a chance to do everything all over again? I have wrestled with this concept in my mind and thought of how serenely happy I would have been had I made fewer mistakes and handled life's challenges differently. Maybe I’d be married right now and have my life completely together. However, these are just castles of sand. Thoughts can be benevolent blessings or malicious curses. The growth that I sustained through my trying circumstances cannot be replaced and though I may not have the ideal bliss that I wanted, I am more in touch with reality and who I am.
While trying to achieve happiness, we put up blinders that prevent us from seeing reality as it is. I experienced firsthand the craving and the depression that resulted and how these were all manifestations of my inner spiritual naivete. A solid grounding in myself and my mission in life is vitally important to my mental well-being and, only from this foundation, can I open myself up to the whirlwind of emotional highs and lows.
I made the decision to seek help and my first option was to look for books and articles that could give me ideas and solace. I have always been highly motivated to solve problems whether they be external or internal and this was another labyrinth that I challenged myself to escape from.
The first idea I tried was meditation and I dove into some books on it, such as The Power of Now. While reading the book, I felt a profound sense of peace, but whenever I would try to mediate, my thoughts seemed to race faster than ever. I understood that I should “be the observer” and let these thoughts pass, but I would get emotionally caught up in them. Even though the emotions were overwhelmingly positive, the difficulty was reconciling these emotions with an alternate reality – I was facing cognitive dissonance head on. My next attempt at clearing my mind was exercise and fitness – I began working out and running religiously and would get a temporary relief during the activity itself, but my waking thoughts and dreams would still consist of unwanted memories and possibilities.
I was getting frustrated at this point and I now began to read more books on social skills and social interactions in order to understand the roots and fundamentals of interpersonal dynamics. This was super helpful, although not directly alleviative of my emotional troubles. It was difficult at first, but I slowly overcame my social fears (through much willpower) and spoke up more during my rotations and in my personal life. This allowed me to forge new friendships and, after a bit of time, I was able to share my difficulties and troubles with others. What really surprised me was that I was not the only one who has gone through turbulent emotional vicissitudes. Every one of them, guys and girls, had dealt with similar issues, but much earlier on in life, as opposed to myself. I felt so comfortable and connected around them because I realized that we all share a common experience and humanity.
This is when the flash of inspiration occurred and I realized that the way to get over emotional trauma was to share these experiences and vulnerabilities with trustworthy companions. I realized that this is what I was missing my whole life due to my obsessive dedication to medicine. After this deep flash of wisdom, I embarked on creating a website to allow for other people in similar situations as mine to have an outlet to grieve and express themselves unabashedly and fully. Psychology and psychotherapy can be extremely expensive and sometimes too impersonal, so I wanted to create a casual environment of sharing and mutual emotional catharsis. This website and consultation service that you see is the product of my pain and suffering and has helped both myself and my clients improve their mental and emotional well-being.